Sacrifice

Six days; it has been six days since the accident. Every morning I wake up and it's the same. I stare at the clock, counting the hours it's been since we last lay in this bed. I would stare at your face, sleeping soundly next to me. It was the way you'd move your lips with a gentle sigh as the breath escaped your immaculate body. It takes forever to rise out now, knowing that today will just be another without you. The digits that flash nine do not even phase me as I stumble out of the room.

Another day of the same routine; that's what the psychiatrist told me. Routine will get me back into a cycle of normal life. I looked at him and thought, do I want to carry on without you? My life was nothing before you were in it. Staring into this mirror, I see the damage to my face for the first time. These scars are nothing compared to yours. The mortician did his best, but he could not hide it them; the cuts, the scrapes, the bruises. He told me there would be no open casket. I couldn't even reply as I stared at your beautiful body, lifeless on the slab. I just nodded my head, knowing this was the last time I could see your face. They couldn't see you one last time, the world didn't get it's chance to say good bye. I whispered in your ear that I loved you as he walked me to the door.

I'm late to work again. I just couldn't drive by that street, the one we took that night. My boss does nothing but stare at me. He just shakes his head as he adjusts my time card. Yesterday I had to sit and listen to how I needed a break. I told him I was fine, that I was seeing someone for the pain. As the door closed behind him, I heard him tell another worker to keep an eye on me. I stayed in the break room that day, staring at my coffee. Today I look in the work mirror as I adjust my tie. All I see is the scars on my face. My hand graces over my nose as I feel the chunks missing. They're gone, and so are you.

Walking around the room today I can barely concentrate as I see the ads for cars. I can't even think as a customer begins to question me on how to install a stereo. It was playing our song as we drove through the rainy night. You leaned up next to me and told me that you loved me. All I could reply was that we were late. To me, we were always late. I never stopped and looked at you. I never took time to see the beautiful person standing right next to me, who loved me more than I loved myself. All I could think of was the time. I began to shake as my manager came over and took the radio out of my grasp. I retreated to the break room and spent the rest of the day with my head in my hands. From the corner of my eye I could tell that my co-worker was watching me.

Driving those 2 miles home from work took over an hour and a half today. I saw an accident on the road and my body began to convulse. The people were outside their cars, shouting at each other. I wanted to just run up and shake them both. I wanted to tell them how lucky they are. As I saw the policeman come up, I had to pull over into an empty lot and sit there. I was shaking so badly I couldn't move. The screams, the searchlight of the police as they pulled me out of the car, they all came back to me. I didn't want to let you go. They told me that I was screaming, fighting to return to the car. All I remember is seeing your face as it turned to me and smiled. You were so beautiful.

I sat in our driveway until the sun rested behind the clouds. We used to stay in our car, waiting for the sun to set, listening to the radio out by the beach. I loved those days; we were so young. I can't even walk inside anymore without thinking of the little games we played, chasing each other to the door. I loved the way you'd let me win as I picked you up and walked you through the door. The look in your eyes as I set you down always made me smile. That look you reserved only for me, the look on all of our pictures, I'm staring at it right now, sitting on the floor. Life with you was just that, it was life. You never cared what I did before we met, how many things I stole or what kind of trouble I was in. You loved me for me, and I loved loved you. You were my life, my reason for living.

The nightly news is talking about our crash again. They're making repairs to the bridge now, patching up the sides. I can see the crewmen cleaning. They're taking away every evidence of the crash. I can still see the signs. I never slowed down as I raced over that bridge. Your head was on my shoulder as the car began to slide. I didn't even look over to see you one last time. All I could think about was how we were late. The way your face touched my skin, I will never forget that.

Sitting here on this floor around these broken picture frames, I cannot help but stare at our wedding picture. You were amazing. That look, our look you called it, was written all over our faces. You completed me. That day, I found myself knowing that I had found the woman I never wanted to spend a second without. You were beautiful. Even the photographer told me that I was one lucky groom. I knew it too. Just look at me, standing there in awe. When you walked down that isle my eyes began to tear as I saw you. I knew you were the one for me.

The sun is coming up. I have spent another night away from you. With each passing day, it gets harder. I see you everywhere I walk. You're in the people that drive past me on the way to work, in the customers that wander around the store, and in my dreams every night. I love you. You were my everything. That is why I am doing this. I cannot spend another day feeling like this. I love you, sweetheart. You were my world. I'm doing this for us. Everything is going to be alright.